Ranma slouched in his seat and sighed, staring at his hand as it rested
limply in his lap.  After a few seconds, he finally responded, "No, thank
you, Ucchan, I'm not thirsty," then stood up and faced the door to leave.
"I should go."
 Panicked, Ukyou ran in front of him and pressed her hands onto his
shoulders as if trying to keep him from leaving and make him sit back down
in one action.  "Wait, Ran-chan!  Please, tell me what's wrong!  I heard
something about a dream when I started following you guys to school, but I
hadn't been following you long enough to figure out what Akane was so mad
about.  Was it because of a dream?"
 After another short pause, to Ukyou's surprise, Ranma's lips stretched
into a smile and he slowly shook his head as if dismissing a ridiculous
thought.  Then, resting his hands on her shoulders, he sighed, more in
relief this time, "I'm fine, really.  Akane's right.  A guy like me
shouldn't start actin like a sissy because of some dumb dream."
 "?"  Ukyou brought her hands to her chest and stared in confusion and
concern as Ranma took a step back, drew himself to his full height, closed
his eyes, and stated with a confident grin, "Nope.  There's nothing to
worry about, Ucchan.  I feel alot better now.  Honestly."  Waving his hand
in dismissal, he continued, "Peh.  Imagine me getting myself worked up over
a simple dream!  It's almost funny!  Hahaha haha haha!  See!  I'm even
laughing now!"  Ukyou started worrying for her fiancee's sanity.
 As if hurrying through the lines of a play in order to leave the stage
early, Ranma sputtered, flexing his biceps in a ridiculous show, "Yep, all
better now!  Nothin to worry about!  Haha!  I'm sure glad we had this
little talk!  Well, thanks for letting me come over!!"  With that, he
turned and headed for the door, raising his hand and calling back, "Well,
thanks again Ucchan!  If I have a REAL problem, I'll know who to come to!"
 Ukyou stood in place, wide-eyed and stunned at Ranma's reaction.  She
blinked once, then realized that her number-one customer was almost out the
door.  "Ack!" she gasped, a couple of sweat-drops flying from her forehead,
then rushed up to her friend and future husband as fast as possible.
"Wait, Ran-chan!"  She grabbed his right arm and spun him around before he
could step into the doorway, then gasped again to see that he was as
sullen-faced as when he fist stepped into the restaurant.
 His facade seen through, Ranma seemed to deflate.  Ukyou held his
shoulders at arms' length and sighed, "Oh, Ranchan.  What's happened to
you?  You look half-dead."
 Ranma looked downcast and whispered, using a much politer tone than he was
accustomed to, "Please, don't worry about me, Ucchan.  I'll eventually get
over it."
 The okonomiyaki chef turned her head away a bit as she tried to fight the
beginning of tears--he was really worrying her.  After a moment of thought,
she boldly placed her hands behind his back and pulled her head onto his
chest.  Smiling and blushing somewhat, she cooed, "Please be alright.  You
know you can open up to me about anything.  I'm always listening."
 Meanwhile, Ranma had perked up into full awareness; his eyes bulged and
his arms moved outward as he looked down at the woman who was clinging to
his body--his childhood friend.  Ranma took a gulp of saliva, then asked
stutteringly, "Uc-Uc-Ucchan... w-what are you...."
 Ukyou, not wanting anything to disturb this moment of bliss that she had
found, only whispered soothingly, now blushing like a beat and smiling,
"Shhh....  Is it really that uncomfortable Ran-chan?"
 Ranma frantically looked from side to side, hoping no one was around to
see them, and stammered, "I-I-I-I guess not."  Looking back down at her, he
thought to himself, scratching his head, as she nudged his chest, _She IS
tryin to make me feel better... and it actually does feel kinda nice...._
 Then, with a sigh, he calmed down; he relaxed and smiled with quiet
regard.  _Oh Ucchan, you're such a friend...._
 "!"  Ukyou gasped, her eyes widening, when she felt her fiancee's arms
slip warmly around her shoulders; he muttered, "Oh, Ucchan... thank you."
Ukyou, still unwilling to look up into her lover's deep blue eye and show
him that she was now blushing an even deeper red, crooned into his chest,
crying happy tears, "Oh Ranchan...." (CHEF'S NOTE: *quiver* Oh Ranchan....)
(OLD VOICE: Oh please!)
 Suddenly, from out of the back came a familiar, annoying, shrill, withered
voice: "Whoohoo haha!  What an unexpected turn of events!"
 "!"  Both Ranma and Ukyou's eyes flew wide in horror, both startled and
worried about what the old freak was doing in the restaurant--and for
obvious reasons, the okonomiyaki chef was the more worried and startled of
the two.
 She whipped her head around in time to see the little pervert bouncing out
of the kitchen waving around a pair of skimpy, pink lace panties with lots
of frills as he chanted, "I would have never have guessed such a boyish
woman wearing something fit for a centerfold!  And it's perfectly stained
from frequent wearings as well!"
 "!"  Ukyou was too embarrassed to move, standing a few feet away from
Ranma with knees buckled and teeth clenched as she pulled down an imaginary
skirt over her thighs and tried not to let her fiancee see that her entire
face was flushed a bright shade of pastel red.  _Oh no!  I hope Ranchan
isn't looking!_
 Ranma could only stare in shock at the piece of lingerie the old master
paraded around, trying to banish colorful, sparkling images of his
childhood friend in nothing else but a matching bra and giggling like a
schoolgirl as she posed for his mental camera.  Blushing, he stammered
quizzically as he pointed toward the item in question, "Uc-Uc-Ucchan...
why...."
 And to make matters worse, as Happousai was pirouetting across the tables
next to the duo on route to the door, he stared down at Ukyou's pants and
commented barely within earshot, "And you're working on staining another
pair I see...."  Ukyou, not able to turn any redder, squeaked her complaint
and immediately covered her rear with her hands.
 The letch was out the door and almost out of sight before Ukyou, in a
sudden burst of anger, whipped her battle spatula from off her back and
darted after him.  But as soon as she reached the doorway, she suddenly
jumped back into the room when something swiped for her mid-section.  She
nervously snapped into a defensive posture as Akane appeared in the doorway
with a stop sign held in front of her like a battle ax... and she didn't
look very happy.

   ----- * * * * * -----

 After Happousai cleared the restaurant door, he broke into a dead run
parallel to the front wall, noticing Akane rapidly approaching and thinking
that she was going to give chase as well.  But he didn't realize that no
one was following him, so occupied he was with running and laughing, "Haha!
 Catch me if you can!"
 As he was about to round the corner, he brought his new pretty up to his
nose and inhaled deeply, almost crying as the scent overpowered him and
filled him with perverted energy.
 He closed his eyes and sighed blissfully as he rounded the corner at top
speed, but then his internal perversion sensors picked up something and he
immediately grinded to a halt, skidding a few feet before coming to a full
stop.  "Ah!"   His eyes flew open and he gasped as, before him, he saw the
most beautiful pair of feminine ankles and calves he had ever seen in his
life--or at least the last week.
 "Eh?"  Shampoo, still wearing nothing but a red and gold Chinese shirt,
turned away from the side window she was using to spy on the two (now
three) inside and looked down to see the wrinkled old man standing nearly
between her legs and staring upward in a trance. (CUTE VOICE: EEP!!!)  She
smiled down at the pervert and chuckled, "Well, Master Happousai, we meet
again."
 He just frothed at the mouth.

(CUTE VOICE: AAAAIIIII!!!  STUPID AUTHOR! *WHAM WHAM WHAM*)

   ----- * * * * * -----

 Akane fumed as she noticed the particularly rosy expression on each of the
room's occupants, "And just WHAT are you two doing here!"
 At the sound of Akane's voice, Ranma snapped himself back to reality.
"Akane...."  His Ukyou-imagery still fresh in his mind, he found it very
difficult, and embarrassing, to even start an explanation.  So, defaulting
on his much-rehearsed opening statement, he began, "Uh... Akane... it's not
what it seems...."
 "Then why are you BLUSHING!" she yelled as she threw the sign into her
"former" fiancee's face--forever imprinting his visage within its octagonal
boundaries.  Ranma's arms flew up in traditional warding and he crashed to
the floor, unconscious.
 Then the violent girl turned to Ukyou with murder in her eyes and seethed
a single word: "Well!"
 Ukyou couldn't stop blushing--there hadn't been sufficient time for the
blood to circulate from her face.  She quickly glanced left and right and
then, realizing that the chances of Akane actually listening to her were
slim to none, she scooped Ranma up with her spatula and ran for the kitchen.
 She ran through the kitchen door and Akane followed in hot pursuit,
yelling, "Ukyou!  You come back here!"  And then, a few seconds and several
clattering pots later, Ukyou shouted "Flour bomb!"  There was a dull
explosion, then the okonomiyaki chef burst out of the kitchen in a hurry,
no longer carrying her dazed fiancee.
 *cough couch cough* Akane slammed the door open, then leaned against the
doorway as she coughed fitfully and a thick cloud of white smoke billowed
out of the kitchen.  After a couple of seconds, though, she waved her arms
in dismissal of the smoke and continued her chase with a roar.
 She skidded out into the street to find her rival standing battle-ready a
few yards down the road.  Every bystander in sight quickly wandered out of
sight.
 Ukyou glared angrily at Akane as she held the face of her spatula forward
as if she were aiming a spear.  With blatant contempt, she hissed, "Listen,
Sugar, I can excuse your weekly bouts of PMS--I kinda expect it now--but if
you come stormin into my restaurant like a barbarian again, I'll have no
choice but to teach you some manners."
 Akane, standing in her standard attack/defense stance, smirked slyly and
spat, "Is that a challenge, Ukyou?"
 The okonomiyaki chef grinned mischievously as well.  "Sure.  If you
promise to leave Ranchan alone the rest of the day, I'll let you pick the
time and the place."
 Akane grinned and chuckled coldly.

   ----- * * * * * -----

 A few minutes later, Ranma unsteadily exited the restaurant, leaning on
the door for support as he groaned in dizziness and shook his head like a
horse, a spray of flour leaping from his white-flecked hair and pale
shoulders with each shake.  "Aw man, what'd she hafta hit me so hard for?
Ow."
 He looked up and blinked a few times as his eyes adjusted to the light,
then he gasped and snapped to full attention when he realized that Akane
was marching toward him with a particularly sinister look on her face--he
wasn't sure what to make of it.
 Before he could even begin to form the first word of his stuttering
explanation, though, Akane forcefully grabbed him by the hand and started
pulling him out toward the street, hissing harshly, "C'mon Ranma!  Because
of you, I'm late for school--again!"
 Ranma started to futilely stammer some kind of protest, but was
interrupted when someone else took his other arm and started walking beside
him.  "!"  He turned to find Ukyou smiling back at him; she bubbled
sweetly, "Don't worry, Ranchan, I'll make sure she doesn't do anything to
you along the way."
 Then, Ukyou's face contorted into a vicious scowl as she looked over at
Akane, who growled in response.  Ranma, tightly secured between the two,
felt nervous all the way to school.  _Oh, man.  Why do these things happen
to me?_

   ----- * * * * * -----

 Shampoo stared coolly in the direction that the trio departed in,
squinting her eyes slightly in the bright morning sun, as she stepped out
in front of the restaurant and into the street.  _Hmm.  This turn of events
should prove most interesting.  No matter what happens, I can use this to
my advantage._
 She calmly looked down at the pink, frilly panties she held loosely in her
right hand.  _That Stupid Spatula Girl, Ukyou Kuonji, her scent is very
strong--she must be in heat (CHEF'S NOTE: HEY!!!).  She will be easy to
follow._
 "Huh?"  Then she looked around to see that many bystanders were staring at
her with wide, blinking, curiously shocked eyes.  Then she looked back down
at the undergarment in her hands.  She quickly whipped the frilly thing
behind her back and stared at everyone with a big, toothy grin, laughing
innocently, a noticeable sweatdrop appearing aside her forehead.
 And then, a second later, she realized one other important detail.  "Eek!"
 She quickly crouched down a bit and pulled the hem of her shirt over her
naked thighs and blushed.  With a groan, she thought _Maybe I should change
into something more appropriate...._

   ----- * * * * * -----

 _Damnit!  Why'd I have to get lost at a time like this?_  Ryouga leaned
heavily on the tree in front of him, teeth clenched in anger and eyes
clamped shut over teary eyes.  _Saotome could be beating Akane within an
inch of her life and I wouldn't be able to do a thing about it!_
 Ryouga stood up and tightly clenched his fists, the tension making him
tighten his facial features even more.  _How can I just lose my way when
Akane needs me the most?  What manner of curse inflicts me so?!_  He threw
his head back as a sharp pain of mental anguish pierced his spine; he
tensed his arm and pulled it back like an already-stretched rubber band.
 The scene pulls back to show a vast sea of green treetops with a dim hint
of the Tokyo skyline in the distance.  A maddened scream thundered through
the forest: "SOMEBODY, PLEASE TELL ME, WHERE AM I?!?!"  A loud !SMASH!
immediately punctuating the question send birds from all around scattering
for safer roosts.  An equally loud !CREAK! followed, and then a mighty tree
fell to the ground.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Well... at least that's a start.